So, I cried at work today... ugh!

So, I cried at work today. I was in my office after a series of events that finally left me sitting in there with the door shut and uncontrollably crying as quietly as possible. I've also cried in my car at work, in the stairwell walking up and down trying to get the energy out a different way or in the bathroom. Every time, I was afraid someone would hear me. Most times, I call my friend and tell her about it because we both HATE crying at work. I feel like describing these situations makes me sound like a cry baby, but I am just another woman who sometimes cries. 

Why did I cry today? to the people in the room or on the call, it's probably because I was insulted after a series of accusations that I wasn't doing the tasks assigned to me. The reality is obviously more complicated then that, isn't it always? I am passionate about delivering a quality product. I have high expectations. I am confident and willing to speak my mind. On the flip side, another person's perspective could be that I am too demanding, that I am controlling, that I push my opinion onto others, and/or that I have unreasonable expectations. Is it a little of both perspectives? Probably. As a woman in the workplace, I am trying to be a strong, independent and capable woman. How do I know I'm not being a stubborn, irrational woman who wont listen to other's opinions... Do you ever know? How are you supposed to know? Not knowing or loosing confidence in what I believe is probably what ultimately makes me cry.

Consensus of society seems to be that you don't cry in public, especially in the workplace. Men don't cry, or, better yet, strong men don't cry. That means that if you want to be seen as a strong woman, then you don't cry. Crying is weak.
 

However, crying at work is something most people and a lot of successful women have done. The women before me wore pants so that I can wear skirts with pride. The women before me stopped getting men coffee so that a male co-worker can be polite and bring me a coffee every once in a while. Women before me worked late and were less likely to have children so that I can work from home and change my hours to adjust for my potential child's dinner time. Did women before me not cry in meetings so that I can express my emotions like a woman? I don't know if I'm ready to, but I hear crying is good for you. What do you think?

 As for crying, I am actually glad I did it. I hate crying, but I question today whether or not I hate it because the women before me, whom I respect dearly, had to hide their crying eyes to be more like a man or if it's only because I don't like being vulnerable (kind of like sharing with the world that I sometimes cry...)

So, it’s taken a while to admit this…

Thank you Christine for inviting me to guest Blog this week! This is my first ever, so please read with kind eyes and an open heart :-) ...

“So, it’s taken a while to admit this…”

Ok, so it has taken me a while to admit this, but they say that is the first step. So, here it goes: My name is Candice McCloud, and I am a Millennial. Whew! That felt great!

Yeah yeah, a bit dramatic, I know, but it feels that way in our primarily over 40 work force. We, the early 30 somethings, are the first leg of Millennials to infiltrate this matured corporate world.

Does that make us trailblazers? If so, then why do I at times find it so difficult accepting my Millennial role/title/position?

I decided to start with definitions.

mil·len·nial : (also known as the Millennial Generation[1] or Generation Y) are the demographic cohort following Generation X. There are no precise dates when the generation starts and ends. Researchers and commentators use birth years ranging from the early 1980s to the early 2000s – source, Wikipedia

trail·blaz·er : a person who makes, does, or discovers something new and makes it acceptable or popular, : a person who marks or prepares a trail through a forest or field for other people to follow – source, Merriam Webster.

Ok, so looks like our first task will be getting into Webster!

But let’s pause here a moment. See, I told you. We are trailblazers; no one even knows for sure from when/where we came. Insert brain image of a herd of 30 somethings with plows in hand overlooking an unmanned field of thought bubbles filled with quotes of: “You’re too green” “Wait, when did you graduate High School?” “I have children your age” “You’re too young, you wouldn’t understand” “Are you even legal?” “When I was your age…” “You’ve only been here 2 years and you already want a promotion?”  And my favorite, “Cause that’s how it’s always been done”.  This, my friends was not included in my course capstone at SIUC (Class of ’07).

Let’s be clear. I’m not complaining or whining, or looking for sympathy. I’m just trailblazing…see what I did there? J

So now, go back with me to my original question. Why do I, and fellow Millennials alike, find it difficult accepting our role/title/position? For me, it comes down to those illustrated thought bubbles. I am in a cross roads of wanting to be taken seriously at work, but still hold on to the youth and excitement that comes with being 30 and single in America.  I think it has something to do with the mythical ‘work life balance’. At work, I’m afraid of being looked at as too young and having too little experience, thus ineligible for higher level roles. At the same time, in my personal/social life, I’m often perceived as, well, too old.

Instead, what I wish the corporate world would see is that, in my 30 years, I have developed a uniquely valuable world view, being raised around the world as a military dependent learning different languages/cultures/people. I went to College for 4 years and charted a path of independence. I had access to an advanced level of information due to technological advances developed in my learning years, and had the maturity and focus in my early 20’s to enter into the workforce with intent, purpose and passion. To my world out of the office, I want them to instead be inspired and hopeful by my journey, and still ask me to hang out for drinks. Because come ‘on guys, I’m still me and I still know how to have a [responsible] fun time.

All in all, I don’t yet have the answers for this next group entering the workforce. However, like my fellow Millennials, I have many many questions and will continue to ask them with solutions in mind. Trailblazing is a journey and I’m happy to be part of it.

My name is Candice McCloud and I am a Millennial. Now where’s my plow!?