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So, I cried at work today. I was in my office after a series
of events that finally left me sitting in there with the door shut and uncontrollably crying as quietly as possible. I've also cried in my car at work, in the stairwell walking up and down trying to get the energy out a different way or in the bathroom. Every time, I was afraid someone would hear me. Most times, I call my friend and tell her about it because we both HATE crying at work. I feel like describing these situations makes me sound like a cry baby, but I am just another woman who sometimes cries.
Why did I cry today? to the people in the room or on the call, it's probably because I was insulted after a series of accusations that I wasn't doing the tasks assigned to me. The reality is obviously more complicated then that, isn't it always? I am passionate about delivering a quality product. I have high expectations. I am confident and willing to speak my mind. On the flip side, another person's perspective could be that I am too demanding, that I am controlling, that I push my opinion onto others, and/or that I have unreasonable expectations. Is it a little of both perspectives? Probably. As a woman in the workplace, I am trying to be a strong, independent and capable woman. How do I know I'm not being a stubborn, irrational woman who wont listen to other's opinions... Do you ever know? How are you supposed to know? Not knowing or loosing confidence in what I believe is probably what ultimately makes me cry.
Why did I cry today? to the people in the room or on the call, it's probably because I was insulted after a series of accusations that I wasn't doing the tasks assigned to me. The reality is obviously more complicated then that, isn't it always? I am passionate about delivering a quality product. I have high expectations. I am confident and willing to speak my mind. On the flip side, another person's perspective could be that I am too demanding, that I am controlling, that I push my opinion onto others, and/or that I have unreasonable expectations. Is it a little of both perspectives? Probably. As a woman in the workplace, I am trying to be a strong, independent and capable woman. How do I know I'm not being a stubborn, irrational woman who wont listen to other's opinions... Do you ever know? How are you supposed to know? Not knowing or loosing confidence in what I believe is probably what ultimately makes me cry.
Consensus of society seems to be that you don't cry in public, especially in the workplace. Men don't cry, or, better yet, strong men don't cry. That means that if you want to be seen as a strong woman, then you don't cry. Crying is weak.
However, crying at work is something most people and a lot of successful women have done. The
women before me wore pants so that I can wear skirts with pride. The
women before me stopped getting men coffee so that a male co-worker can
be polite and bring me a coffee every once in a while. Women before me
worked late and were less likely to have children so that I can work
from home and change my hours to adjust for my potential child's dinner
time. Did women before me not cry in meetings so that I can express my
emotions like a woman? I don't know if I'm ready to, but I hear crying is good for you. What do you think?
As for crying, I am actually glad I did it. I hate crying, but I question today whether or not I hate it because the women before me, whom I respect dearly, had to hide their crying eyes to be more like a man or if it's only because I don't like being vulnerable (kind of like sharing with the world that I sometimes cry...)
As for crying, I am actually glad I did it. I hate crying, but I question today whether or not I hate it because the women before me, whom I respect dearly, had to hide their crying eyes to be more like a man or if it's only because I don't like being vulnerable (kind of like sharing with the world that I sometimes cry...)
