So, I cried at work today... ugh!

So, I cried at work today. I was in my office after a series of events that finally left me sitting in there with the door shut and uncontrollably crying as quietly as possible. I've also cried in my car at work, in the stairwell walking up and down trying to get the energy out a different way or in the bathroom. Every time, I was afraid someone would hear me. Most times, I call my friend and tell her about it because we both HATE crying at work. I feel like describing these situations makes me sound like a cry baby, but I am just another woman who sometimes cries. 

Why did I cry today? to the people in the room or on the call, it's probably because I was insulted after a series of accusations that I wasn't doing the tasks assigned to me. The reality is obviously more complicated then that, isn't it always? I am passionate about delivering a quality product. I have high expectations. I am confident and willing to speak my mind. On the flip side, another person's perspective could be that I am too demanding, that I am controlling, that I push my opinion onto others, and/or that I have unreasonable expectations. Is it a little of both perspectives? Probably. As a woman in the workplace, I am trying to be a strong, independent and capable woman. How do I know I'm not being a stubborn, irrational woman who wont listen to other's opinions... Do you ever know? How are you supposed to know? Not knowing or loosing confidence in what I believe is probably what ultimately makes me cry.

Consensus of society seems to be that you don't cry in public, especially in the workplace. Men don't cry, or, better yet, strong men don't cry. That means that if you want to be seen as a strong woman, then you don't cry. Crying is weak.
 

However, crying at work is something most people and a lot of successful women have done. The women before me wore pants so that I can wear skirts with pride. The women before me stopped getting men coffee so that a male co-worker can be polite and bring me a coffee every once in a while. Women before me worked late and were less likely to have children so that I can work from home and change my hours to adjust for my potential child's dinner time. Did women before me not cry in meetings so that I can express my emotions like a woman? I don't know if I'm ready to, but I hear crying is good for you. What do you think?

 As for crying, I am actually glad I did it. I hate crying, but I question today whether or not I hate it because the women before me, whom I respect dearly, had to hide their crying eyes to be more like a man or if it's only because I don't like being vulnerable (kind of like sharing with the world that I sometimes cry...)

So, shouldn't I have to prove myself?

I am a millennial with a lot of negative stigmas, shouldn't I have to prove my worth and ability to contribute? In my short 7+ years in the workforce, I haven't felt that I needed to prove myself near as much as I was expecting. People are often surprised when they find out that I'm a millennial. Is it because the expectations of us are so low that when I do the things I say I'm going to do, and I do them well, they can't believe that this is coming from a millennial? Or is it because they don't really know the age range of the millennial? I am not sure but I will say that coming into the workforce, I was expecting to have to prove myself more.

When I started my first job, in most circles of the company, I was accepted very quickly. Now, I will say, there was a group of designers who were not expecting much from me, but I believe that was mostly due to my role and not my age. Also, there was this one guy who didn't want fresh blood on such a core brand, but I proved him wrong quickly. Otherwise, during my four jobs since college graduation, people seem to have no preconceptions about my quality of work. If I can toot my own horn, sense this is my blog, I would say it is because I come in the room with a sense of confidence and, more importantly, humbleness.
 
I believe that the more you act like you trust in other's experience, the more people are willing to work with you. It seems that people don't expect you to know everything and they appreciate honesty when you don't. As a millennial, I have inherently been in the work place a shorter amount of time than others; that does not mean I can't command respect or bring an alternative opinion to the table. 

If I 've been humble from the beginning, people seem to be more receptive to any recommendation or discussion topic I might bring. I recognize that there is a lot of knowledge that I do not have, and I can also have an opinion. I believe that if you position yourself as accepting of the knowledge of others while potentially helping them to be exposed to a different perspective, then people are willing to listen and converse, not combat with you.

One place where I was humbled the most was, where people tend to the most narcissistic, at business school. All millennial are narcissists, so I should have been extra. At any rate, I did evening school at Emory with people ranging in age and background professionally, personally and geographically. I quickly realized that I probably had it the easiest out of most of my classmates. I had a job that wasn't taking 100% of my brainpower. I had no children. I had no real responsibilities beyond going to work and hanging out with friends. so, why not fill my time with something that propelled me and hopefully inspired me? On the days when I was overwhelmed, or had procrastinated or whatever caused me to have to get up at 4 or 5 in the morning to complete an assignment and then go to school that night until 9 o'clock after work, I remembered that I still had it easy. I didn't have to drive in from the suburbs, over 45 minutes away, nor did I have a husband to fight with about responsibilities and I didn't have to miss putting my kids to sleep. I'd remember, "Christine, if women in technology, with English is a second language, probably has to fight for respect at work, has children ,and a baby on the way, can show up and be engaged in class, you can too."

I was at a conference yesterday put on by my company's Women's focused Business Resource Group, women's LINC. The theme was to Dare Boldly. One of the speakers, Kelly Loeffler, spoke about how her company had to prove itself in the marketplace. So I asked her, how has she proven herself and how has her company proven itself over the years? She came back, first of all, and said "I'm so jealous you're a millennial, doesn't everyone want to be a millennial these days?" and then preceded to say that it was all about confidence that you have the right background, knowledge and skills to do the things that you are doing and you must communicate what you are doing. Communicate with no preconceptions about quality or accuracy, just make sure others know what you are accomplishing and/or where you are focusing so that people see progress and can begin to relate it to the work they are doing. I think the key to the communication is confidence coupled with openness to input from others who may have alternative experiences to bring.

 

In that classroom, or in my company's business resource group, I meet so many people with so many jobs that I didn't even know existed. People are happy to give an explanation about their jobs, and if you ask in a way that is inquisitive and respectful, people will be willing, and sometime eager, to share. We, as millennials, have been told we need to prove ourselves. It doesn't have to be through having the right answer; It should be through knowing that you probably don't, but you can bring a unique perspective to the various answers out there.